The Profound Power of Words: How Our Language Shapes the Children in Our Lives

If you spend any time around children, you must fully understand the extraordinary power that lies within your words and how those words fundamentally mold a child's developing sense of self. Have you ever truly contemplated the immense power of your words? Have your words been encouraging, helpful, and filled with the kind of warmth that brings genuine happiness to others? Or have your words inadvertently destroyed someone's spirit, leaving them feeling unworthy and unloved? The sobering truth is that even a few carefully chosen words—or carelessly thrown ones—spoken to a child will help shape and mold that young person in ways that can last a lifetime.

I am living proof of how words can mold a person. I am also living proof that even the strongest molds can be broken, though not without tremendous struggle and the kind of inner work that requires years of dedication to overcome the many harmful words that were spoken to me at such a tender age. This was during those crucial formative years when most children are learning fundamental life skills: how to walk with confidence, how to express themselves through speech, how to decode the written word, how to communicate through writing, how to understand numbers and basic mathematics, how to navigate the world safely, and perhaps most importantly, how to give and receive love in healthy ways.

The words that flow from our family members carry an enormous impact on who we ultimately become as human beings. We are molded, shaped, and formed by those who taught us our earliest lessons about ourselves and our place in the world. These influential figures—parents, grandparents, siblings, and extended family members—serve as our first mirrors, reflecting back to us who they believe we are, what they think we're capable of, and how much value they place on our existence.

When we consider the developing brain of a child, we must recognize that young minds are extraordinarily receptive to the messages they receive from the adults in their lives. Children don't yet possess the cognitive ability to filter out harmful messages or to question the validity of what they're being told about themselves. Instead, they absorb these words like sponges, internalizing them as fundamental truths about their identity, their worth, and their potential in life.

The tragedy lies in how easily destructive words can slip from our mouths during moments of frustration, exhaustion, or our own triggered emotional states. A parent who snaps "You're so stupid" during a homework struggle doesn't realize they may be planting seeds of self-doubt that could take decades to uproot. A caregiver who repeatedly tells a child "You're too much trouble" or "I wish you were never born" during difficult moments is essentially programming that child to believe they are a burden, unwanted, and fundamentally flawed.

These harmful words don't just sting in the moment—they become part of the child's internal dialogue. They transform into the voice that whispers cruel judgments during times of challenge, the inner critic that questions every decision, and the persistent doubt that undermines confidence in relationships and professional endeavors. The child who was told they were "worthless" may grow into an adult who struggles to advocate for fair treatment at work. The child who heard "You'll never amount to anything" might find themselves sabotaging opportunities for success because deep down, they believe they don't deserve good things.

But words also possess incredible power to heal, to build up, and to create strong foundations for a child's future success and happiness. When we choose our words carefully and intentionally, we can help children develop resilience, confidence, and a deep sense of their own inherent worth. The parent who says "I believe in you" during a child's struggle with a difficult task is giving that child a gift that will serve them throughout their life. The caregiver who responds to mistakes with "Everyone makes mistakes—what can we learn from this?" is teaching the child that errors are opportunities for growth rather than evidence of personal failure.

Encouraging words have the power to unlock potential that might otherwise remain dormant. When we tell children "You have such a creative mind" or "I love how hard you try," we're not just offering momentary praise—we're helping them identify their strengths and develop a positive relationship with effort and persistence. These affirming messages become part of their internal narrative, the voice that encourages them to take healthy risks, to bounce back from setbacks, and to treat themselves with compassion during difficult times.

The process of breaking free from the mold created by harmful words is neither quick nor easy. It requires tremendous courage to examine the messages we received in childhood and to question their validity. It demands that we learn to distinguish between the voice of our authentic self and the voice of those who may have projected their own pain, limitations, or fears onto us during our formative years.

This journey of healing often involves recognizing patterns in our adult lives that stem directly from childhood messages. The person who struggles with perfectionism may trace this back to never feeling "good enough" as a child. The individual who has difficulty maintaining healthy relationships might discover that early messages about being "unlovable" or "too difficult" are still playing in the background of their interactions with others.

Breaking the mold requires developing new neural pathways—literally rewiring our brains to accept more positive and accurate messages about ourselves. This process often involves therapy, self-reflection, journaling, meditation, and surrounding ourselves with people who see and affirm our true worth. It means learning to catch those old, harmful voices when they arise and consciously choosing to replace them with kinder, more truthful messages.

The struggle to overcome damaging childhood messages is real and ongoing. There are days when the old voices seem louder than the new ones we're trying to cultivate. There are moments when we catch ourselves speaking to our own children or other young people in our lives using the same harmful language that was used with us, perpetuating cycles that we desperately want to break.

Yet there is profound hope in recognizing that change is possible. Every day presents new opportunities to choose different words, to speak life instead of death, to build up rather than tear down. When we become conscious of the power our words hold, we can begin to use that power responsibly and intentionally.

For those of us who work with children in any capacity—whether as parents, teachers, coaches, mentors, or community members—this awareness carries both tremendous responsibility and incredible opportunity. We have the chance to be the voice that a child remembers decades later as the one who believed in them when they couldn't believe in themselves. We can be the adult who helped them see their potential, who encouraged them through difficulties, and who modeled how to speak to oneself with kindness and respect.

This doesn't mean we should offer empty praise or avoid addressing behavioral issues. Children need honest feedback and appropriate boundaries. However, we can learn to separate the behavior from the child's identity. Instead of saying "You're a bad kid," we can say "That choice wasn't safe—let's talk about better options." Rather than "You're so lazy," we might say "I notice you're having trouble getting started—what kind of support would help you?"

The ripple effects of conscious, caring communication extend far beyond the immediate interaction. Children who grow up hearing affirming, encouraging words are more likely to develop strong self-esteem, healthy relationships, and the resilience needed to navigate life's inevitable challenges. They're also more likely to pass these positive communication patterns on to the next generation, creating cycles of healing rather than cycles of harm.

As we reflect on the power of our words, we must also consider the words we speak to ourselves. Many of us carry internal dialogues that are far harsher than anything we would say to another person. Learning to extend the same compassion to ourselves that we would offer a good friend is an essential part of breaking free from harmful patterns and modeling healthy self-talk for the children in our lives.

The journey of understanding and harnessing the power of our words is ongoing. It requires constant mindfulness, regular self-reflection, and the humility to acknowledge when we've caused harm and to make amends when possible. It asks us to be patient with ourselves as we unlearn old patterns and develop new ones.

But perhaps most importantly, it invites us to recognize that every interaction with a child is an opportunity to plant seeds of hope, confidence, and love. Every word we speak has the potential to contribute to a young person's sense of worth and possibility. When we truly grasp this responsibility, we can begin to use our words as tools of healing, growth, and transformation—not just for the children in our lives, but for ourselves as well.

The mold may have been set in our early years, but it need not define our entire lives. With awareness, intention, and persistent effort, we can break free from limiting patterns and create new possibilities for ourselves and future generations. The power of words that once wounded us can be transformed into the power of words that heal, encourage, and inspire. In this transformation lies hope not just for individual healing, but for the creation of a more compassionate world where every child grows up knowing their inherent worth and unlimited potential.

i guess you could call me a pro when it comes to the damage that words produce. and a pro to healing from those words. so you can understand more what words and what none spoken words do to a child, i am breaking it down to a few short memories i have and what those memories created in me. The first memory will be posted this week and there will be more every week. On my life and others.