The fluorescent lights of Absurdistan Academy flickered to life as Principal Touchdown—no one remembered his real name anymore—marched down the hallway with the determined gait of a man about to rush the end zone. Another sweltering Houston morning was already underway, the Texas sun beating down on the school's aging air conditioning system. Another sweltering Houston morning was already underway, the Texas sun beating down on the school's aging air conditioning system. Another sweltering Houston morning was already underway, the Texas sun beating down on the school's aging air conditioning system. His whistle hung around his neck like a talisman, and his clipboard was clutched to his chest as if it contained the secret plays that would win the educational Super Bowl.

I remember when I was first assembled. The smooth finish of my surface, unblemished and full of potential. My adjustable legs, ready to rise and fall at a moment's notice, a technological marvel of ergonomic design. I was meant to be the cornerstone of productivity, a platform for creation and efficiency.

The sky outside Mrs. Pruneda's second-grade classroom had turned an ominous shade of green-gray. Rain pelted against the windows with such force that it sounded like thousands of tiny pebbles hitting the glass all at once. The lights flickered once, twice, and then steadied, causing a momentary hush to fall over the normally bustling classroom.

Ms. Gabriela Pruneda—Ms. G to her students—arranged the phonics cards on the small table in Room 114A. The classroom was cramped, half the size of a standard room, split down the middle to create two separate learning spaces. Every inch of wall and shelf space had been meticulously organized with reading materials, writing prompts, and phonics exercises. It was a Monday morning, and her 10:30 dyslexia intervention class would arrive in fifteen minutes.

A Psychological Thriller

Student Name: Jacob Thompson, Jacob Thompson, Jacob Thompson Date of Birth: May 12, 2011, May 12, 2011, May 12, 2011 Grade: 5th, 5th, 5th Case Manager: Ms. Penny Lane, Ms. Penny Lane, Ms. Penny Lane Meeting Date: October 15, 2023, October 15, 2023, October 15, 2023

By Lola, Resident Feline Overlord

In the quiet corners of my humble abode, Dwells a creature of legendary proportions, Not in size, but in gaseous episodes, Luna, my polydactyl purring distortion.

Written by Lola (as told to Gaby's cat)

Warning: This advertisement contains scenes of extreme book hoarding, compulsive Amazon shopping, and coffee consumption that may be too intense for ordinary pet owners.

Oh, for the love of hairballs and catnip! Here I sit, a magnificent four-year-old calico queen, LOLA—yes, that's all caps because I am THAT important—watching another day pass as my so-called "owner" Gaby remains painfully unaware of who truly runs this household.

4-year-old Female Calico Cat of Distinction Current Residence: Under the bed when company arrives

By Lola, Calico Queen of the Household (and severely neglected family member)

In the hallowed halls of Public School District #127, Mrs. Eleanor Worthington adjusted her fifteen-year-old cardigan—the one with leather elbow patches she'd sewn on herself during a weekend "self-care" session that consisted of mending clothes while simultaneously grading 147 essays, planning next week's lessons, and responding to 32 parent emails questioning why their children weren't receiving more individualized attention.